15 weeks (note Addie's tiny hand on my belly)
17 weeks (this time the tiny hand is in the bottom left corner)
Take my picture, mommy!!!
For comparison's sake, here is my Facebook album of Addie baby bump pics.
17 weeks is as good a time as any to blog about this tiny baby, right? So my sincere first thought about this was that we really had lost our minds. Though it happened a little faster than expected, we felt fully prepared to have another baby. Until we found out we actually were going to have one. I took a pregnancy test as a precautionary measure and was actually really surprised when it said positive. So surprised that I completely lost my cool and called Jordan in the middle of his work day to say, "Do you have a minute? I'm pregnant." We just expected that it would be like before and take about six months to a year to get pregnant. Apparently my body remembered exactly how to do this whole baby thing pretty well.
While I know in my head that every pregnancy is different, it's so hard not to compare the two. There is a huge emotional difference in crying, begging, praying for a baby for a long time versus BAM! finding out you're pregnant without hardly trying. If I have learned nothing else in my life, it's that God's favorite lesson to teach me is that I'm not in control. And this time around, obviously there is the emotional consideration of our sweet toddler who has no idea how much this new baby is going to rock her little world. She loves to talk about the tiny baby and look in my belly button to see if she can see it. She calls it "my tiny baby" or "EmmieHutch" (a combo of our boy/girl names). But I'm afraid just talking about it and it actually taking over her world are going to be two totally different things. I know she'll be a wonderful sister ... eventually. I am praying fervently that we can find the right words and actions to help her adjust well and quickly.
And speaking of different ... with Addie, I worked full time, worked out nearly every day, cooked dinner every night and, aside from some first trimester morning sickness, felt pretty great. So I just expected I'd have no problem with my new full-time job of keeping up with a 2-year-old, staying on my running schedule and cooking super healthy meals for all of us. Riiiiiight. In a word, I have felt awful since about six weeks. Exhausted. Nauseous. Unable to get out of bed some days. Which has resulted in far too much TV, hot dogs and fruit snacks for my sweet girl. She's not complaining. But talk about mom guilt! My whole job now is to be a mom, and yet I feel unable to properly take care of either of my babies. While I think the sickness is turning a bit of a corner (or maybe I'm just getting used to dealing with it), I still have some pretty rough days. And I'm learning to be OK with it. As with almost all things about parenting, it's just temporary. Even if six more months of temporary feels like an eternity.
So couple my unstable emotional state of mind with my physical inability to do much of anything ... and I've been a bit of a hot mess. And feeling guilty about that, too.
But the good news is, while it's taken a little longer to get used to the idea of this baby than our first and while it's already managing to drive me a bit crazy, I can honestly say I am beyond thrilled about this sweet little one growing in my tummy. I am anxious to hear that little heart beat at every appointment. I was elated to feel this baby start swimming around between 11 and 12 weeks, and to feel his/her kicks for the first time just last night. I am thrilled that we get to have a newborn again, that I get to nurse again, that we get to watch this already stubborn little one learn to eat, roll, crawl, walk ... and I am ecstatic that my sweet girl gets to have a sibling who's going to love and look up to her like no one else in this world. I feel incredibly blessed that we've been given another opportunity to be parents. Other than Addie adjusting, I think our biggest fear has been whether we could possibly love this new baby like we love its sister. And I've begun to feel an incredible sense of peace and calm about that, too. With a lot of prayer and help from family, we have managed to create a household full of love and warmth for this one baby of ours ... so how could that not overflow to this new little baby we get to welcome into our home and our lives?
Yes I'm crazy. Yes I'm nauseous. And YES I can't wait to be a mommy of two!