Please tell me we're all this crazy

When I became a mom, I also turned crazy. OK, maybe I was a little bit crazy before, but becoming a mom has exacerbated the crazy.

My entire life, people have credited me with being very organized. That used to be somewhat true. Now one look in my closet, car or purse will tell you the truth about that one.

For example, I was at Sam's the other day and was having a very difficult time finding my credit card (you know, when all my items have already been scanned and the people behing me are glaring at me with daggers in their eyes). I offered to pay with the excess of graham crackers in my purse. The checker didn't think I was very funny. (I did find my card and no one tried to knife me or anything). I have been to two doctor's appointments in the past week or so, and at both they, understandably, asked me what medications I'm on. There are three and I couldn't remember the names of any. At either appointment. You'd think the first one would have prepared me to check my meds for the second. I told one that I'd be happy to share every medication my daughter has ever taken, along with dosage, side effects, etc. I still don't know the names of any of my own meds. I tell my coworkers it's often a miracle I get to work with clothes on. I forget to pay bills. My plants are all dead or screaming for water. My refrigerator desperately needs to be cleaned.

How is it that one tiny person can take over your life so completely, so totally that you literally can't get anything else done? Or perhaps this is just me? Please tell me it's not. And I have had this idea all along that as soon as she got to six months, to a year that things would ease up a bit. And things definitely do change, but that hasn't meant I have any more time to myself or to get things done. And how exactly do you tell people ... yeah, sorry I couldn't get to that. See, I have a kid.

I have always been a bit of a perfectionist. And someone who loves to check things off lists. And someone who bases success in life on measurable accomplishments. Changing eight diapers, getting halfway through three loads of laundry and forgetting to feed the dog till 8 at night don't exactly feel like accomplishments.

There are a lot of moments that do feel like huge accomplishments, though. Like getting through a trip to the grocery store without a breakdown. Making a new recipe (unless it's terrible). Hearing my sweet girl say a new word. Watching her "sing" itsy bitsy spider and realizing she learned that from watching me sing it to her. Seeing her share with other babies. Getting her sweet hugs and kisses. Making her belly laugh.

But it can be hard to see those things as accomplishments. Especially because we usually leave the store without everything we need to ward of a breakdown. My making dinner usually involves her crying and pulling on my leg because I'm not paying enough attention to her. My house is never clean enough. We still have episodes of inconsolable crying that take me back to colic days. Naps are never quite long enough. And I'm used to a completely different kind of accomplishment - like ROI, an increase in awareness or a meaningful media story. And I'm used to people constantly telling me I'm doing a great job. While Addie's hugs and kisses and laughter mean a lot, she doesn't exactly every say to me, "hey mom, I know this is a tough gig sometimes, but you're doing a great job."

And speaking of work ... How in the world do you people with kids and full time jobs do it???? I'm never devoting enough time to work. I'm never devoting enough time to her. That push/pull is relentless and agonizing. It's been much tougher on me, emotionally and physically, than I anticipated.

I told my mom the other day that there are times I genuinely feel like I'm the only mom in the world who doesn't have it all together. She asked if it was possible that other people look at me and think I've got it all together. Well I'm here to tell you that I really don't. My house is a wreck. I should pray more. I should talk to my husband more. I can't remember if I brushed my kid's teeth before she went to bed. I should be working on work instead of blogging. I have at least three friends' voicemails I need to return. My stinky dog seriously needs a bath. I seriously need some yoga. And a nap. And I'm crazy.

Addison Mae - 14 months

I swear I get these posts written at her month markers ... and then just forget to post ... or am waiting on a really great picture ... promise I'll repost with some recent pics.

From walking to RUNNING. And climbing. And jumping (which is that cute way babies jump where their little knees are bending and legs are working, but their little feet don't actually leave the ground :)). I only thought this baby of mine was into everything before. And I only thought she was talking up a storm before. The talking is constant. Where on earth did she get that?? New words every day and constantly trying to repeat what we're saying (which means we should get some of our words in check now). She is the life of the party wherever she goes. We are constantly being stopped, at the grocery store, at church, wherever we are for people to tell us how undeniably cute she is, what pretty eyes she has, how much she talks and how friendly she is (the waving is also constant). Which, let me just tell you, never gets old. The moms of kids in her Starbright class and at her Gymboree class say their kids talk at home about their friend Addie. And we got a note from Starbright saying how much the boys already love her - they love to pat her head and play with her. That was not Jordan's favorite day. I love that she loves to share, be inclusive of everyone she plays with and always has a smile and a wave - those are the sweet qualities, that as her mom, I hope to help grow and strengthen in her.

Weight: 18 lbs, 9 oz
Length: 28 1/2 inches

New things this month:

• RUNNING. Everywhere. I look away for 2 seconds and she's across the house.
• Climbing. I put her on the living room floor, and then look back and she's on the couch, leaning waaaaay over the back to pet the cat. Panic attack. She also somehow knows how to climb the ladders at Gymboree.
• Talking. All. The. Time. I have no idea how many words she says, but it's a whole, whole lot. She has successfully learned "Pete" (as in Pistol) and "Rumble" (pronounced more like Bum Bum). She says no, except usually it's "no no" or "no no no" ... guess she hears that a lot. Other new words are all done when she's finished eating, wa-wa for water, play, up/down please, in/out please (usually in relation to the laundry basket ... why do I even buy this kid toys???), teeth, eye, ear, duck, deer, book, blue ...
• Waving her wheat. Be still my heart :)
• The animal sound obsession has continued. We took her to the zoo and it was crazy overload. She moo'd at the hippos, rhinos and bison, meow-ed at anything that looked like a cat, hissed at the snake, made fish-face at the fish, etc. etc.  
• Taking consistently longer naps. We waited what felt like a long time for this, but we're finally there. She takes one afternoon nap that's usually anywhere from one to two hours.

Likes:

• Playing with door handles. Perhaps we should keep our doors locked at all times.
• Climing up onto the hearth, from which she surveys her kingdom and subjects.
• Going to the park. The wagon ride is the best part, but she also likes climbing on the equipment, swinging and sliding.
• Waving. She's like the mini welcoming committee at church. I love watching people's faces light up at the grocery store when they see my little waver smiling at them.
• Mice. Not the real kind, at least I hope not. Have you ever noticed how many children's books have mice in them? We read Goodnight Moon every night, and the mouse is somewhere different on each page. She has several mouse-related books at Grammie and Pawpaw's too.
• Shoes, which she calls "bees" (and I find myself doing, too ... Jordan, have you seen my bees??). She is seriously obsessed with her own shoes, Jordan's, mine, whoever's shoes she can get her hands on. We took her to try on/buy shoes and she squealed and squealed. This could become a problem.
• Bubbles are still a very big deal. When I tell her we're going to Gymboree, she says, "bubble??" And there's no going out to the back yard at our house unless there is also bubble time.
• Pumpkins. The pumpkin patch was like heaven. She screamed "ball!!! ball!!!!" And then proceeded to lick every pumpkin we gave her. We bought a lot of pumpkins.
• Being read to. Especially if the books is about a mouse.
• Sharing her snacks with Izzy, or mom or dad. We have snack time about six times a day at our house.
• Playing with other babies.
• Telling you where your eyes, ears, mouth, nose, teeth and tongue are located. Very helpful. She tries to pin down Izzy and Mia to tell them, too.
• Looking out the cat door, which is in the utility room and goes out to the garage, and calling either for the cat or whichever parent isn't at home. She also sits there to wave and say bye-bye to her dad in the mornings.

Dislikes:

• Most vegetables. Our once awesome eater is going through what I hope is just a picky phase.
• Her Halloween costume, which is an elephant. She really likes to look at it but wearing it is currently a no-go.
• Teeth brushing.
• Anything less than five snacks a day.
• Being away from mama.

Addison Mae - 13 months

Oh yes, the monthly updates will continue. Mostly because I can hardly remember what happened yesterday, so I (as one of the few people who reads this blog!) love to go back and see how my baby girl has changed from month to month. Addie had such a fun birthday with many celebrations and many cakes, which, ironically, she didn't particularly care for. I think she's not so into really sweet things, and I'm all for keeping it that way as long as possible. I'm totally fine with eating her sweets for her. She continues to change dramatically every month, with her most dramatic change being WALKING! I am equal parts thrilled and terrified by everything that means.

Weight: 18 lbs, 6 oz
Length: 28 inches

New things this month:

• WALKING!!!! She took her first steps a few weeks after her birthday and over Labor Day weekend really took off. She's about a 50/50 crawler/walker at this point. She's still much faster on all fours. But she's SO proud of her new skill!
• Saying more words than I can possibly count. If I were to guess, I'd say she says about 30 to 35 words. Her new favorites include snack (pronounced NACK in a very loud, insistent voice), down (when she's done being held or wants to walk), Mimi (the cat and her grandma!), bubble, mouse, book and eat (anytime we come remotely close to her high chair, also in a loud, insistent voice). She just learned no, so I'm guessing that will soon become a favorite.
• Eating all the foods she wasn't supposed to eat before the age of one. Favorites have been peanut butter and strawberries. Totally my child.
• Drinking whole milk. We were nervous about this since my eating dairy while nursing was a big no-no. But she did great and goes through a carton of milk in no time. That also means no more nursing, which was difficult for her for just a few days, and is still a little emotional for me.
• Wearing shoes. I know, kind of makes me seem like a terrible mother ... but she really hated shoes until just recently.
• Playing with her babies. Calling herself baby. And pointing out all babies in photos or real life. Anyone under the age of about 15 is a baby.
• Time outs. Boo. She's started hitting us or the animals in the face occasionally, hence the time outs. The somewhat funny part about this is that her time out location is her crib (the only place she can be contained), so when I warn her that if she hits again she will go to time out, she responds by saying "night night???"
• Making even more animal sounds. She's so smart.
• Going to Gymboree once a week. She LOVES it. She's especially fascinated by all the balls they have there, the other babies, the bubble time (the teacher calls her bubble due to her crazed obsession) and of course Gymbo the clown. She is completely mesmerized by him.
• Starting in the one-year-old classroom at Starbright. No more nursery for this big girl!

Likes:

• Waving. At everyone. My little social butterfly.
• Her new farm toy, courtesy of my aunt, uncle and cousins. She loves that it makes all the animal noises, which she then mimics.
• Her new book about animal tails, courtesy of her Auntie Katie who knows my baby's obsession with animals.
• Eating. As evidenced by two of her new favorite words. I can't decide if she's really that hungry all the time or just likes the power of saying those words and getting what she's asking for.
• Her pink armchair, which she got for her birthday. She loves to sit in it, and for about the first week of trying out her new walking skill, she had to start from that chair. Kind of bounced herself into an upright position.
• Asking for "babies," which means she wants to look on my phone at pictures of herself or go all around the house looking at her pictures. Thank you Kristi Morton for ensuring we have plenty of beautiful pictures all over our house! :)
• Sharing her toys with other babies.
• Chasing Izzy or Cowboy with her push car. And laughing.
• Turning off and on the DVD player, cable box, CD player and receiver.
• Being read to. But at the pace (FAST) she requires and preferably the same one or two books over and over and over and over.
• Throwing a ball for Izzy or Cowboy.

Dislikes:

• Being refused a NACK.
• Time outs.
• Not getting what she wants, when she wants it.
• Being away from mama.

Addison Mae - 12 months

This time last year, we were anxiously awaiting the arrival of the little person who would forever change our lives. We knew we would love her, but we had no idea the breadth and depth of that love. She continues to amaze us and make us believe she's the smartest, most talented baby there ever was. She's a pistol, who wants to do things her way, herself, unless she's feeling sad, unhappy, mad or sick, and then she wants momma. We are sad that the past year, and Addie's true babyhood, is behind us, but we are looking forward to the many years ahead.

Weight: 18 lbs, 6 oz
Length: 28 inches

New things this month:

• Using her push car, or anything that moves really, to facilitate walking
• Standing on her own for longer periods
• Saying baseball, beach ball, beans, milk ... and probably a lot of other things we just can't decipher.
• Giving hugs and loves to accompany those open-mouth kisses. There is nothing better than feeling that sweet baby's head on my shoulder. She loves to hug her stuffed animals, too. And her real ones.
• Making amazing animal sounds, just like her momma. She can successfully tell you what the elephant, monkey, kitty, puppy, fish and chicken say.
• Blowing bubbles in the pool or bathtub
• Her first ER visit. Poor baby has had croup for the past week and was having a lot of trouble breathing on Sunday, hence the ER visit. Thankfully it was brief and uneventful. A new round of steroids from her ped seems to have done the trick.

Likes:

• Her dad's baseball, which she has commandeered from the study. She is constantly asking for the other baseballs on the shelves (which are autographed), and he hasn't given in to her. Yet.
• And, yes, the ball in general is still number one. Along with Izzy and Izzy (actually, Addie is now referring to Mia as "meow" since she can say what the kitty says)
• I can't believe I've never mentioned the "shaky shake" game as one of her top likes. This consititutes shaking anything that makes a noise, accompanied by the "shaky shake" song, coined by her very talented Grammie.
• Playing with fabric samples, which we call "iggy biggy boo," because that's seems to be what Addie says when she plays with them. Grammie has, of course, also made up a song for this game.
• Opening drawers and cabinets and removing EVERYTHING. She has several specially designated drawers and cabinets throughout the house.
• Peekaboo. She loves to initiate games herself, sneak around a piece of furniture or doorway to play or even pull her own shirt over her head to play.
• Waving at anyone and everyone. When we're at the grocery store, I'm constantly hearing giggling behind me because Addie's making eyes and waving at whoever is back there. She loves to make friends wherever she goes.
• Looking at pictures of herself (and saying "baby") and of close family members and identifying them.
• Bringing books to us to read and getting in our laps. She likes to shove a book in my face and say "mama  mama mama mama," which I think means, "hey lady, read this to me right now." She loves to turn the pages in books, usually before we're done reading them.
• Stacking blocks or cups
• Bubbles. Particularly when her dog chases and bites the bubbles.

Dislikes:

• Going shopping. Unless it's for 10 minutes or less and there are a lot of really interesting people to look at and talk to.
• Anyone whose name isn't mama when she's unhappy or sleepy.
• Ear drops.

Addison Mae - 11 months

T-minus one month until baby girl is a whole year old. Where has the time gone?! I know Jordan and I are biased, but we're pretty sure our girl is a genius. She's talking up a storm and getting pretty much anywhere she wants to go. Her teachers at Starbright are amazed at how well she's talking, eating, drinking from a sippy cup, napping, playing, interacting ... and just in general being happy. I love when they tell me how she's progressing because, clearly, I've never done this before and have nothing to compare it to! It seems like every day Jordan and I or my mom and I are saying to each other, "did you know she could do this or say this?" I will admit that this girl of mine wears me slick, but there's nothing I'd rather be doing.

Weight: approx 18 pounds
Length: approx 28 inches

New things this month:

• Crawling up on her knees, as opposed to the army crawl.
• Standing on her own for a few seconds. When this girl starts walking, we're all in trouble.
• Saying pawpaw, baby, night-night and something that sounds a lot like Addie. She loves to repeat, or try to repeat, what we say.
• She also loves to sing "na-na na-na," which developed from Jordan's post-bath song to her ... "Who's that girl? Na na na na na na na na na na na. Addie's that girl. Na na na na na na na na na na na." As soon as the bath water starts draining, she starts singing.
• Grabbing her hair when we ask where her bow goes.
• Showing that she knows where your nose is by trying to pull it off. Also pointing to her teeth and toes when asked.
• Following directions, when she wants to, like sit on your bo-bo (in the bathtub where she prefers to stand), put the ball in the cup, give Izzy a hug, can I have a kiss, put the hat on your head, throw the ball to me. If the directions include the word "no" it's guaranteed she won't listen. It's still amazing how much she understands what we're saying!
• Trying to make elephant and monkey sounds when we ask what they say. I make a mean elephant and monkey so I can see why she'd want to repeat it
• Putting hats on her head. Or someone else's head. Or even better taking hats off someone else's head.
• Getting ear tubes. She acted like it was totally no big deal. Hoping these make a big difference for her and we can leave behind the awful ear infections and antibiotics.

Likes:

• The ball is still number one. Followed closely by Izzy and Izzy (aka Mia)
• Eating. New favorite foods have been blueberries (which she calls balls), taco meat and pinto beans and peas
• Dancing and bouncing to music. And singing as mentioned above
• Swimming. Although she does not want to be in a float or encumbered in any way. She also loves to stick her face in the water.
• Drumming on anything. Maybe she's going to be musical, although I am not sure how she would be considering who her parents are ...
• Her night-night bunny
• Her pillow pal, aka Lambie
• Throwing food off her high chair tray for her dog, or to tell us she's done, or just for fun. She hears no a lot about this one.
• The blinds. Another reason she hears no a lot.
• Throwing toys at other children's heads. We've witnessed this and her Starbright teachers have, too. I think she's trying to teach them to catch.
• Ice cubes
• Drinking from a straw

Dislikes:

• Being interrupted when she's doing something important
• Being constrained in any way
• Sleeping in her own bed between the hours of 4 and 7 a.m.

The Family Bed

Let me be quite clear. This is not a post about whether babies should or shouldn't sleep in "the family bed." To each his own. This is a post about my last hold out, the last sliver of myself pre-baby, the last thing I said I wouldn't do that I actually hadn't ... until now.

One of my last posts was about all the things I swore I'd never do, of which I've now done all. Jordan and I had a very short, very clear-cut discussion when I was pregnant about whether we'd have Addie sleep in our bed. The answer, from us both, was a resounding no. Mostly because we were afraid we'd squish her. And as someone who's had a lot of experience sleeping in a bed with Jordan Page, let me tell you, he'd squish her. He's a thrasher and an arm-flinger. And a ridiculous snorer, if you want to know. Several times very early on in our marriage, I woke to him putting his pillow over my head and then lying on top of it. All in his sleep, or so he claims.

And then beyond the squishing fear, we clung to the fact that it was virtually the only baby-free zone in our house. We REALLY like our sleep. And that was the one place we wanted to actually be able to enjoy our sleep. Or for at least one of us to enjoy sleeping while the other was trying to convince the baby to sleep.

We put a twin bed in Addie's room for this very reason, and we've both spent more nights than I'd like to count sleeping with her in that twin bed. Especially when the colic was really bad and the only way she'd go to sleep was on her tummy. I've crashed in that bed when I've finally gotten her to go back to sleep in the middle of the night and the 12 steps back to my own bed might as well be 1200 miles.

It started innocently enough. Kind of like when we let our cute new puppy cuddle in bed with us on a Saturday morning. (By the way, that little puppy is now 65 pounds with approximately 12 legs that stretch in every direction when she sleeps with you.) Addie's wake time was getting earlier and earlier. When she started waking before 6:30 a.m., and then before 6 a.m., Jordan would attempt to go in and convince her to go back to sleep. Which clearly would never happen since we could hear her happy little voice singing and laughing over the monitor. So, he started bringing her to our bed and I'd nurse her there. Then we'd all three hang out and play for a bit before we got up for the day. This has become a daily routine that we cherish - a few minutes to delight in our beautiful baby before tackling the day. And drinking lots of coffee.

I think it was during the last ear infection that I officially gave in. When she wakes in the night and is really upset or hurting, she wants me. And she usually wants to nurse. Yes, I'm aware that she's 10 months old and doesn't need to nurse during the night. But I've said before and I'll say it again, if I can give that baby a boob and get her back to sleep in 15 minutes rather than stay up for another hour, I'm choosing sleep. So I hear Jordan trying and trying and trying to calm her down and get her to go back to sleep (Have I mentioned that I have an awesome husband who is almost always to first to go to Addie during the night when she cries? Until I hear him give up by saying "Erin. Boob."). And I know it's not going to work. So I raise the white flag of surrender. And I say it. "Just bring her in here." I nurse, she goes back to sleep. In our bed.

And you know what? We don't squish her. And she snuggles with us as she sleeps. And makes sweet little noises. And says her favorite word, ball, and smiles, in her sleep. And she thrashes a bit and flings her limbs (yep). So I don't get much sleep. (Snore-y McSnorerson can saw logs through anything). And I hardly even care. When she wakes up, she's so happy and sweet and says ma-ma, da-da like she's so delighted and surprised to see us there.

So we've repeated this scenario a handful of times. And I have discovered how sweet it is to snuggle with my precious, sleeping girl, who prefers to take over my pillow and most of my side of the bed. As my friend wisely pointed out to me this weekend - "You haven't completely given in. You're not starting out with her in your bed every night. And really you're just trying to get some sleep for a few more hours and save some sanity." So true.

So you know how I like to have morals to my stories. WHO CARES what I said I was or wasn't going to do? It's nice to have an idea of what you'd like to do and not do as a parent. But you have to give yourself the flexibility (and permission) to change your mind when you're in the middle of it. And who has time to worry over it or beat yourself up about it? I don't know about you, but I've got a baby to chase.

Addison Mae - 10 months

This baby girl spent 10 months (approximately) in my belly and has now spent 10 months making my life complete. The best way to describe her is ... everywhere. She is on the move constantly. Even when she's nursing, she is doing toe-touches, pulling on my necklace, looking for the dog and talking (yep). Speaking of talking, Addie has about 4.5 words thus far. The one she uses the most, that she starts saying the moment her eyes open in the morning, that I swear I've heard her say multiple times in her sleep and that she must say about 876 times per day is BALL. But it's more like ball ball ball ball ball ball ball ball ball ... With a few inserted "Izzy"s every now and again. My favorite is when we go outside and tell Izzy to get her ball and Addie says Izzy ball Izzy ball Izzy ball. The girl has beach balls, bouncy balls, plastic ball-pit-like balls ... they're her favorite toy by far. In addition to her two favorite words, she says ma-ma and da-da and sometimes hi and bye. The past month has been absolutely incredible watching her hit one milestone after another after another. She also hit her fourth (maybe fifth?? I can't remember) ear infection - another double one. We've got an appointment next week with an ear/nose/throat specialist and are hopeful that will give us the go ahead to get tubes in her ears. Our ped told me he's never seen a mom quite so insistent on getting tubes in her baby's ears (I'm sure he was trying to say that nicely :)), but it just pains me so much to see her in pain, and the antibiotics practically cause more harm than good to her. So, yep, bring on the tubes. Speaking of tubes, remember that one in her eye? Yeah, she pulled it out a bit so we had to go in and have it removed completely. Thankfully it seems to have done it's job and her symptoms have disappeared. When our doc said about 5 percent of babies pull their tubes out, Jordan and I looked at each other and said that will be our girl.

When I look into Addie's sweet face, it looks more and more like a big girl and less like a baby. Exciting and sad all at the same time. Though we miss little things about her being a tiny baby, Jordan and I are just holding on for dear life and trying to enjoy every moment while we look forward to all the fun times ahead.

Weight: approx 18 pounds
Length: approx 28 inches

New things this month:

• Perfecting the army crawl and occasionally crawling up on her knees. She looks like a baby sea turtle. And she is FAST
• Pushing herself from tummy to a seated position.
• Pulling up on everything. And cruising around the furniture. Sometimes pulling up on our pant legs. Sometimes pulling up and letting go of everything and forgetting she can't quite stand on her own yet.
• Saying ball, bye, hi and, finally, da-da
• Looking up and pointing when we ask "where's the fan?"
• Clapping. So very cute.
• Waving. With both hands. At herself. Even cuter than the clapping.
• Sticking out her tongue and/or blowing raspberries when we ask where her tongue is. Baby girl's got tricks!
• Sleeping with her bottom sticking up in the air. Be still my heart.
• Wanting to eat anything and everything we're eating.
• Clearly developing a stubborn, I-want-my-way streak. We have no idea where she got this ...

Likes:

• The ball. Any variety or size. And she wants to talk about it a whole lot.
• All four-legged friends. Whether they want to be her friend or not, and that includes the two she lives with. Any and all four-legged friends are named Izzy.
• Eating. New favorite foods have been pineapple, hamburger and brisket.
• Playing pattycake. Especially since she can now clap.
• Dancing and bouncing to music.
• Swimming. She is crazy about being in the pool.
• Playing peekaboo with her own shirt.
• Typing emails. Well, really she just likes to punch all the keys on my computer.
• Watching videos of herself.
• Other babies. She's just started to really notice other babies when we're out and about, and she'll strain and wiggle to watch them as long as possible.
• Giving slobbery, open-mouth kisses. And getting slobbery, open-mouth kisses from Izzy
• Her mom and dad. It never gets old that she likes us so much. She's been reaching for us to pick her up for quite awhile, but it's much more insistent now. And if we're not paying attention or she really means it, she crawls over and pulls up on our legs.

Dislikes:

• Riding in the backseat alone. We have made this a little easier by putting a carfull of toys in the backseat with her.
• Being interrupted while playing for something ridiculous like a diaper change or meal or nap.
• Her stationary jumper. Much too confining for a girl who can crawl everywhere (hence why we want to put her in it ...)